Tara Argall, M.Ed, has been around the block a few times in the 5+ decades that she has been on this planet. She has tried and done many things. Included in her life resume: she is a mom of two grown children, and has been married to her first husband for most of her adult life. Tara is an accomplished artist, working in many different mediums, and is an animal communicator and has been for all of her life. She recently ended her 20+ year gig as a mental health counselor working in private practice to pursue her passion in energy medicine. Versed in many energy modalities which includes Reiki, Bodytalk, myofascial release, homeopathics, essential oils and Bach flower essences. She loves to be outdoors, hang with her husband, adult children and her multiple of fur babies. The number changes depending on whomever wanders on the property. Tara and her husband’s goal is to have many adventures and are typically one bad decision away from being their communities next double silver alert. Tara is the founder and creator of The Trailblazing Communications Whole Life System® and sees her mission to be solely and collectively with Trailblazing Communications® a “Slayer of Suffering.” She views most suffering as optional and finds most of what she focuses on is creating hope, insight and empowerment through everything that she undertakes. Her blog focuses on and takes serious topics and makes them playful and approachable. Tara enhances her blogs with pictures of animals as she sees animals as such natural awesome teachers of many of things we humans needs to learn.
How many of you are old enough to remember the song from the Supremes – “Stop in the name of love?” This song fits in to what I would like to talk about today. One of the best things that we can do for self-love and self-care is to set limits? Loving ourselves sometimes means saying “STOP!”
Do you know what a boundary is? Many people do not. A boundary can be many things: like a fence defining our yard versus the neighbor’s yard. A stop sign or yield sign showing us how we are expected to navigate traffic in this particular area of the road. The yellow police tape that is set up in a crime scene area. Walking away from an abusive conversation. A boundary can be for safety, self-care, setting limits, declaring space and so much more.
A boundary can also be set by us. It could be using our voices and asking for someone to STOP talking, coming closer, yelling, leaving etc. A boundary when set, teaches others something about us. It teaches others a very important message about how we expect to be treated. If we do not set boundaries we are teaching the same thing, that you can do whatever the heck you want, only this lesson may come back to haunt you later and usually does.
Suffering in relationships almost always happens due to our lack of setting boundaries. If I allow someone to call me at all hours of the day and night when we first meet and enter into our relationship but find a few weeks down the road that that it is driving me nuts, I need to say something and set a boundary. I need to say that I only accept phone calls during the week until 10:00 pm unless you are absolutely and truly on fire!! No exceptions!! If you pretend to be on fire and call me, you will be causing yourself and our relationship suffering and may actually compromise our relationship forever. If you do not honor my boundaries, that tells me a lot about you and how you see me.
We do not need to be apologetic about self-care. Being apologetic about our self-care sends yet another message that I do not believe that I am worthy of being honored or respected. That will be a whole other blog!!
BOUNDARIES TEACH OTHERS ABOUT HOW WE EXPECT TO BE TREATED….PERIOD!
If you do not know anything about boundaries…….learn about them. There are many wonderful books dedicated to this topic. Do not silently suffer in your life because you do not know about, understand or have any experience in setting boundaries. Read, practice and grow in your self-honoring work. You will have better relationships and will suffer less in them.
SUFFERING IS OPTIONAL! If you crave drama and love to struggle in your relationships, then you can absolutely make that choice. It takes practice to learn to set boundaries. You first have to identify what one is and where you can and want to insert them in your life. How to set them and then how to hold them strong. When you start setting boundaries in your relationships that you have had for a while those people are going to not like it. They will not be happy that you are changing the “rules” of how you have been with each other but set them anyway. You may even need to be a little angry to set them at first. Those relationships may get rocky for a bit but will be stronger in the long run for you doing this work. If some of those relationships and people do not come around with your new rules, then let them go. They were not in it for the better for you in the first place then.
Relationships are not always meant to be for forever. Some relationships are for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you grow and others in your relationships do not or cannot grow with you as you change and reassess the rules then they were more than likely only there for reason or a season and now you need to let them go to allow for a new relationship to come in. When one door closes, another opens.
Boundaries are a gift to ourselves and allow us to feel in control of our lives. If you set them, honor them, and hold them you will experience way less suffering and will actually probably have more time for the things you want to do. You will stress less and have a lot less misunderstandings to name a few of the perks.
Educate yourself, work on your self-worth and clear out those old patterns that keep you stuck. The Trailblazing Whole Life System® is a wonderful tool that you could learn to use to shift those old stuck energy patterns that you have around some of the issues we talked about here. They are tools for taking your life back! If you would like to learn more you can go to https://trailblazingcommunications.com. Happy shifting!