Today I received an email of someone struggling to find happiness and having a hard time. I would like to share my response and invite you to put your own name in the blank to see if it applies equally as well to you. I hope this helps!
You ask an interesting question. How much time do I have to put into Trailblazing to feel an affect. There is no exact answer. The real question is what do I need to be working on and what do I need to do in order to feel happy. When you feel depressed, do you take time and ask yourself why? You can ask through the programs. What is feeling depressed? Is it a constant state or just a feeling I am having in regard to what I am experiencing or what my experiences are trying to tell me about me?
Happiness ___________ is an inside job. To be happy takes constant attention and intention and the ability to listen to your internal radar and respond. This guy from NDSU that you say you met made you feel depressed. Why? What is this dream that he is living? Is it selling sandpaper? You could go sell sandpaper tomorrow if that truly was your dream and you weren’t afraid of going after it? Is making 100K your dream? You could go and do that too if you wanted to and dared to get and feel uncomfortable to take the risks to get there.
You do not have to keep doing Trailblazing if it is not something you want to do. It is a way that a person can shift and clear what is standing in the way of them being happy? I say yes it is. For you I hear, I want freedom, I want to do what my soul is calling me to do but…..
I am afraid of………..pleasing others, I won’t make it, I am not good enough etc etc etc.
I am not sure……….if it is really what I want to do, what if I am wrong, what if, what if etc
I can’t because I have to……make $$$, go to my job, please my parents etc etc
Being happy is an inside job. You could have the perfect job, make a crap ton of money and be married to the perfect person and still be miserable. Why? Because if we do not have a good relationship with ourselves we will always want to search outside ourselves for the next thing to take the pain of not loving ourselves away.
Here is what I have found that brings people happiness:
Self compassion – being able to look at yourself and accept all parts, the good, the not
So good and the parts that are being worked on
Strong spiritual life – having a connection with a higher power(whatever that is for you) and truly knowing and
Experiencing that you are never alone, even when there is not another person in sight
A sense of passion about something and working on or in that passion. What truly
brings you joy?
A sense of purpose and knowing why you are here on this crazy planet. Your passion
and purpose are close relatives and often go together.
A sense of choice and the ability to make decisions and learn and grow from them
Without being paralyzed with judgment and fear
Not taking life and ourselves so seriously. This is a journey and let it be that so that you
can learn and grow every single day of your life.
There is no perfect anything. There is no perfect life. There is no perfect partner, job, experience etc. You have to be able to find joy in everything, even in our pain. Everything is a lesson and life is about learning. We need to have experiences to learn about what we love, who we are and where we want to be. It evolves and changes and we have to be able to listen to our internal guidance above all else and follow that instead of what others tell us. I still learn every day and I am almost 57 years old. Life is not about arriving. You have to be a lover of the journey and forget about arriving somewhere. We never arrive, this gig is not about a destination. If we believe that we are to figure out where we are going and then we arrive somewhere, then we are constantly searching for the finish line. There is no finish line. What worked today may not work tomorrow and what changes we made last week may not feel right this week.
I see you put all your apples in one basket and I say get rid of the basket. Let this be a learning thing and when you find things that bring you joy, do them more. If you feel pulled to try something, try it. If you find that you really do not enjoy things, don’t do them. If you find you are afraid, ask yourself what are you afraid of? You have to grow and get messy to find what brings you joy. Going out on a limb to find the things you are looking for can be scary but you cannot grow and explore when you are feeling comfortable. Risk = feeling uncomfortable. If you never feel uncomfortable you are not growing and expanding. If you are not a bit afraid of what you are doing every day you are not stretching. Healthy fear is what I am talking about. Did you know that fear and excitement feel exactly the same? The difference is that one of them feels hopeful and the other doesn’t.
I know you are looking for clean, clear cut answers from me ________, but I am sorry to say that there isn’t one. You need to find your own answers because my answers are not yours and visa versa. I say go sell sandpaper if you feel it is the dream. How will you know if it is or not unless you try? If you never risk trying the things you feel called to will you know if it right for you. You may love selling sandpaper for a year and then want to pick apples. Picking apples may work for 6 months and then you may want to join the peace corp. You may love that for 10 years and then want to do something else. Do not look at your work as finding a job and then doing that for the rest of your life. I think that kind of thinking makes people miserable. You are free to choose and do whatever you want to do, dare to do and allow yourself to do. Listen to your gut as it will never steer you wrong.
You do not HAVE to do Trailblazing or anything else for that matter. If there is a will to do something you will find a way, if not you will find an excuse. I just see things like Trailblazing as ways to clear the mental clutter such as old beliefs, patterns etc that keep us stuck. Do not do things to please others because “if you worry about what other people think, you will be their prisoner.” You get to decide ________, every minute of every day. If you do not decide then that is a decision too.
Life is messy so put on an apron and get at it. If you don’t want to get dirty then don’t but I think in not wanting to get dirty lies complacency and in complacency lies feeling stuck and then that is when our joy, freedom and happiness eludes us.
Stop judging yourself and start listening to yourself. Your limits and barriers are created in your perceptions. Challenge your perceptions! You are not a victim to anything and you are not stuck. Those are old beliefs and excuses. You are only limited and stuck by what you allow yourself to be limited and stuck by. You can do anything you muster up the courage to do.
Trailblazing is not going to bring you happiness. It is a tool to clear the way as is a snowplow to clear the roads so you can drive out of your driveway to get after the world. Trailblazing is a tool and so is the snowplow. You can use tools or you could choose to throw your vehicle in 4 wheel drive and plow through. You get to decide. Hope this helps! You got this dear, you really do! Take care and know I am always here cheering you on!